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Stories change everything. Books change everything.  I suppose tonight an author named Alice Sebold changed my perspective on death.

Today started normal. It was the 1st book in my reading teacher’s library I hadn’t read but was still farmiliar.

The Lovely Bones was the hardest hitting book I ever read and it  affected me, effected me hard. I have never missed my dead family members more than this exact moment right now, as I continue to type,  eyes red and swolen , face salty with tears.

I haven’t lost many in my life.  A grandfather and my 2 dogs. I lost my precious dog Onyx first about 3 or 4 years ago. 2 month ago I lost Azul, who I belived was the 103rd dalmatin. About a month and a week ago I lost Abuelo.

I saw signes of my breakdown and it all didn’t add up until now: Our TV keeps switching channels by itself and I’ve been meaning to tell my mom I think it’s my grandfather. Today the music video that reminds me of both of my boys came on by chance.

I woke ip in tears, both pillows drenched. I couldn’t stay in my bed. I didn’t want to be alone. 2:30 AM is way too late to call my sister.She lives at her mom’s house, room across from her mom’s too. Odds are if I woke her up the whole house would be up in an instamt. I’ll be sixteen in April; no way we’re all fitting on that Queen.

But instead I disagreed with my last thought, turned off my TV, and darkened my room in to a silent, pitch black empty space where it will be untouched untill I need something in the morning. Long story short: I came in crying hysterically. I ended up explaining everything and we talked sitting up, my dad lying between us. I cried until 3AM.

For the first time since Abuelo and Azul’s death it all came crashing down just like the song We’ve Got A Big Mess On Our Hands by one of my favorite bands The Academy Is…

After my thoughts of a death became more acceptable and I calmed got real scarred. My mom lost her dad I could so lose mine. I imediatley touched my foot to his. It reminded me of when I was little and slept in their bed and I would loop my arm around my dads so he wouldn’t be able to leave for work in the mornings which always failed.

He slept as I pretended to and my mom watched Roseanne on Nick@Nite as she is now. That was at 3. It’s 4 as I write this sentance. I almost began to cry when the strangest thing happened. About 5 minuets after I took away my foot and an instant after my tears formed he erupted in laughter leavingme and my mother in stupor. It was so contagious that I began too, my laughter feuling my dad’s. All the while my mother asked us  “What? Is he sleeping? What the fuck? Was it a dream?”. He instantley went to sleep so we don’t know if he was awake or not.

I felt better after our fit of laughter, even if it only lasted 4, 5 or 6 minuets.

I’m tired and have to sleep not. More when I’m more inspired. I won’t even bother with spellcheck.


I became a fan of

It’s a fucking amazing. I’v never laughed so hard in my life. The “Acting With James Franco” series is hilarious. Him and his brother are awesome. Their mom, Betsy? Badass.  And, as an added bonus, both of the Franco brothers are easy on the eyes.

I’m Briana. I just deleted my last post by accident and am really pissed. It was hella long. I’ll try and sum it up.

  • I’m a sophmore, 16 on Earth Day.
  • Username is “betsypie’ because I just got a rotweiler pupp and considered calling her that. She’s 7 weks old.
  • Her name is Nike, after the goddess of victory and the shoe, I guess.
  • Favorite show: The Office. Jim Halpert pwns and Kevin is hilarious.
  • I’m not smarter than my friends but they’re so materialistic. All I want is 1 intellectual conversation.
  • Had a lab name Onyx, died 4 years ago. Had a dalmation named Azul, died 3 months ago.
  • imissmyboyssssssss.
  • My grandfather died 2 and a half weeks ago.
  • Favorite # is 18.
  • Blink 182 is my favorite band
  • Indefinite Hiadus isn’t cool, yo.
  • I don’t like AvA. They bore me.
  • I have a grudge, as a fan, against Tom DeLonge.
  • That has nothing to do with my AvA veiws.
  • +44 is the shitt.
  • Mark Hoppus is my hero. I’m dedicating a categorie to reasons why because some of the reasons I can’t express in words.
  • He beleives in unicorns! Unicorns pwn.
  • I’m too tired to spellcheck.
  • I’m less boring then this.
  • Comment if you read this. I want to know if I’m writing to anyone.